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  • Writer's pictureMark

The Fire Hose

I like parodies. Back in the 1980s there was a series of radio commercials that were spoofs of real commercials. Wham-Care PM had pills that were (voice straining), “nine thousand milligrams. Depending on your headache, you just bite off what you need.” Wham-Bam cat food had a character asking the cat, “Guess where we’re going.” The response, “If we’re going there in a handbasket I don’t think I want to know about it.” Yes, that’s my sense of humor. Is it any wonder I love dad jokes?


I’ve always thought someone in Montana should sell genuine Helena Handbaskets. Looks like there might be a sports team in Kentucky named the Helena Handbaskets, though.

The same could be said about my taste in movies. My all time favorites include Galaxy Quest, The Pirate Movie (though the ending is kinda weak), and UHF. One bit in that movie had a kid drinking from the fire hose. Growing up in the country I can attest that even a garden hose on full blast is too hard to drink from. Imagine a fire hose!

Reading the bible is much the same. There’s a “fire hose” quality to it, depending on how you read it. You can get sips, gulps, or more than you can handle at any given time. Isaiah came face to face with God and he fell down flat. “Woe is me! I’m undone!” Literally coming apart at the seams.

Someone I know once criticized God for not telling us up front what’s going on. Why did He have to hide things? That alone told her she couldn’t trust God.

Imagine trying to pump 150 gallons of gas into your average sedan. Now imagine trying to use a fire hose to do it.

Everything in the bible is a progressive revelation about who God is. You can get sips of Him in any of those books, you can get gulps, but to really understand who God is takes years (lifetimes, really) of study because He knows you’ll never fill your gas tank with a fire hose.

The next time you get frustrated with not knowing Him, imagine Stanley Spadowski’s Clubhouse and the fire hose. Depending on what you need, just bite off part of that 9,000 milligrams. You won’t need the handbasket.

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